You would think that after 15 years you ought to know better. And especially since that outing in the early fall wrecked you for days. But no, oh no, you just had to work up some more hours than you are capable of working. More hours than you are and allowed to work. There is a reason for that you know.. But you brought home that piece that you where translating cause sitting at work with people babbling it was almost impossible to concentrate. So your worked some hours and kind of got a flow,, wanting to finish this and that paragraph and the hours added up. That evening you felt the same old exhaustion, almost painful. But a good night sleep and you where back in the saddle, finishing the whole thing. And then you had to go into the city with all them people and all that noise and movements, just to pick up a painting you won. Back home, The DH bought pizza and did you eat? Nope, it tasted like cardboard – remember those days way back in time when everything tasted like that? Had some wine and fell asleep in the armchair, of to bed and went into a comatose sleep, waking up still half dead. Went to buy groceries and felt like falling down from time to time.
I ask myself, why don’t I learn, this isn’t something that will never change, there is damage after not one but two episodes of fatigue syndrome (or as it’s called burned out syndrome) that will never heal and I can only do so much. Well, think it will always be like this, I feel stronger and capable and over do it and back to square one. The backside is that nothing of this shows – I’m a big, strong woman on the outside and have quite a forceful personality and – is very good at keeping poker face and – bite the bullet.
But – I will persevere!!!